Big decisions

I’ve decided to take a step back from school in a while.

So much has happened in the last year:

Since December of 2008:

• My parents got a divorce and my world was rocked.
• I spent the summer on a missions internship in Kenya and my heart aches to serve those who the world throws to the ground.
• I transferred from Denison University in Ohio to the University of Kentucky over the summer- right before my senior year.
• Daniel and I finally got to be in the same place, instead of dating long-distance!
• I got engaged (to my best friend and man of God)!
• We have a house to move into once we’re married (praise the Lord!)
• We will be married in May (108 days from now!)
• My dad got remarried
• My dad moved in with his new family, my mom and siblings moved into a new house- thus leaving me without a sense of “home”.
• I’m plugged in with an awesome small group of girls, these women have truly been such great friends during this time of transition!
• There are 4+ weddings of my friends to go to this summer!

So many things have been happening lately, and many of the things I’ve gone through have made me a stronger person. However, I have not begun to deal with the reality of my parents divorce, and I have not really had time to grieve  or absorb anything. My life has been on “fast-forward” for a while, and I’m feeling the effects. I’m taking some time for myself and away from Lexington for a bit. I feel like I’ve been trudging through the mud for the past 7 or so months. I have been extremely emotional and anxious about many things, and that is not who I am.

I have struggled to be my usual, fun-loving, adventurous self. There’s something inside of me that needs healing. After bringing all of my anxieties, fear and frustrations to the Lord, I have recieved confirmation that I need to take a step back.

I intend to spend time in prayer, in fasting and in reading my Bible. I need to gain a better sense of who I am as a child of God. I need to prepare my heart and my mind for marriage. I want to go in to our marriage with a better sense of who I am and how I can serve Daniel even better. I want to feel whole again, I want to regain a sense of purpose and a direction. In God’s time, I’ll go back to school and finish my degree. With the Lord’s direction, he will provide opportunities to minister and to be filled up.

I’ll be spending a few weeks in Louisville collecting myself and receiving counsel, and then I’ll return back to Lexington where I will continue counseling. I plan on beginning to work, I need something to keep me busy. I am praying that my spirit is mended- I feel so very broken- and I can’t give to others when I’m hurting.

The Lord has blessed me so much- he has put people in my life that are supportive of the choices that I’m making.

I don’t really know who will read this, but I just wanted to document this so that I can come back and look at this entry later and just have a record of what God has brought me through!

And just for kicks- another engagement picture with our “love eggs”